Last updated on June 9, 2020
I looked blankly at the kid with the purple head. He looked blankly back at me. And in the silence, he spoke loud and clear.
Recently, I had the opportunity to be a guest teacher at Exploration Works as part of its after-school science class for kindergartners and 1st graders. I planned to teach the kids some basic concepts about sound and acoustics, since it’s my job. I thought I had a perfect class ready for young kids. Cool sound demonstrations. Making music with rubber bands. Finding out who was the loudest kid by letting them yell for all they’re worth.
But thanks to a scheduling mix up, 3rd and 4th grade boys got tossed into the class mix. Not being ready for that kind of disparity, disaster ensued. The older boys produced a steady stream of complaints. “Uggggghhhh … We’ve done that already.” “Awwww … We’ve seen that already.”
And my personal favorite: “Uh, mister … That kid’s head is turning purple.”
A kindergarten boy had taken one of the rubber bands – one that would fit the Monday edition of a small town paper, not the New York Times Sunday edition – and squeezed his head through it up to his forehead. The elastic was so tight, everything above it was purple melon majesty, above his face so plain.
Even though he said nothing, I got the message.
In 1 Timothy 4:12, Paul implores us to be an example “in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” Paul mentions speech once in that list of five.
That means about 80% of everything you communicate to people is potentially non-verbal. An angry look. The offer of a handshake. A smile. A turned back. A quiet confidence. Restless hands or feet. An overly eager nod or a slow shake of the head. All those actions, and hundreds of thousands more, provide clues to those around us about where our heart is, and offer a glimpse into our state of mind.
Therefore, 80% of our witness as Christians is non-verbal, too.
Everything we do, everything we think, everything we like and dislike, and what we do in our spare time is all on display at one time or another. Behavior springs from belief, and demonstrates what is and what is not important to us. It will not matter how excitedly or eloquently we talk about Jesus if our actions do not jive with His teachings. People intuitively sense when our words and our actions do not align, and they will turn away.
And if someone who’s watching you crams a rubber band over their head, trust me, you’ve lost them, even if they never say a word.
What is your non-verbal life telling other people?
Very nice reminder of how our loud actions can drown out the words we are actually speaking. I’m reminded of a speech by Chan Gailey, onetime assistant coach of the Denver Broncos when he was telling a similar tale. He recalled someone saying to him “Your actions speak so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”
Our actions, even more than our words, are inviting or off putting.
Thanks, Julie. Love the Gailey quote
Just delightful and spot on…witty mirroring of America the Beautiful in that line on the melon—love it. I’ve been thinking about the added work I have to do with body and facial expressions now that I wear a mask in public. Use of my smile is limited and I’m trying to convey warmth in other ways. Make s me think of my neighbor whose stroke left part of her face paralyzed and the difficulty that makes for connecting with others. ❤️ you and yours.
Thanks, Kelly! Hope you guys are doing well.
What can I say.
Bah, you talk too much already, my friend! Show me, don’t tell me, Quinn.